


Reading List

by musigneus



Series: Lists [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Daydreaming, Dirty Talk, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-12
Updated: 2011-04-12
Packaged: 2017-10-17 23:27:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/182489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musigneus/pseuds/musigneus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus does a little reading. (Part 2/3 of the Lists series)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reading List

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [Reading List (Chinese Translation)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1290427) by [lzqsk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lzqsk/pseuds/lzqsk)



> Inspired in part by maeglinyedi’s coming out challenge on LiveJournal.

Water splashed dangerously close to the rim of the tub as Remus leaned back with a contented sigh. The tiny bubbles Hermione had enchanted to scrub him so he wouldn't have to exert himself in the bath popped one by one as they finished their work, releasing a pleasant, vaguely citrus scent into the humid air. The water was warm and relaxing, he felt truly clean for the first time in a week, and, best of all, he was blessedly _alone_ for a few minutes.

He had been touched, at first, by how diligently the children had looked after him when he'd been injured. Hermione had immediately taken charge of his potions, producing a color-coded chart showing precisely when he was to take each one with respect to his meals every day. She'd make quite a mediwitch someday, if she had the inclination - she had the stern demeanor down already. Madame Pomfrey would be proud.

Harry and Ron had followed her orders and helped take care of him, and Remus was grateful, truly, for their concern. It was simply...strange, and rather uncomfortable, after living alone for so long, to have someone constantly trying to anticipate his every need. Thank goodness term started soon. He couldn't take many more days of being treated like an invalid, but it would be most unkind for him to repay the care the children had shown him with ill temper. And he understood the fear of losing anyone else that made Harry, at least, hover so...

A pleasant tingling as a last few bubbles popped on his chest reminded him he had better enjoy his few minutes of solitude instead of brooding about his overzealous caretakers, and he curled his left hand around his cock. A nice wank would be just the thing to relax him enough that he could smile through the next couple of days until the children left for Hogwarts. He hadn't had the time - and then he hadn't had the privacy - for even a few minutes of self-indulgence in the last couple of weeks. Not since that embarrassing, hurried episode in Severus's storeroom, actually- but he wasn't going to think about that, not now.

His hand sped up as he drove himself efficiently toward release, and his eyelids drooped as he concentrated on the sensations he was producing. Yes, that felt good; this wouldn't take long...

He let his mind drift while his hand moved firmly up and down his shaft.

 _How...businesslike, Lupin. No finesse at all. Clearly you_ do _need someone to instruct you..._

 _Slow down._

 _Circle your thumb around the tip - yes, like that. Now slide your other hand up your chest..._

Remus moaned quietly, low in his throat, when his right thumb, obedient to that darkly suggestive murmur, brushed his nipple.

"Fuck!"

His eyes snapped open, and he jerked his hand away from his chest. His elbow bumped the bottle of shampoo Hermione had set out for him when she ran the bath, sending it clattering to the floor.

Where had _that_ come from, damn it? He was _not_ going to bring himself off ( _wank, toss off, have one off at the wrist..._ a faint voice in his mind mocked) while thinking about Severus Snape. Not!

The door crashed against the wall, and Harry burst into the room, clutching his wand. "Are you all right? Er..." Harry's voice trailed off as his eyes found Remus, who was very obviously not in any danger.

Remus converted his reflexive lunge for his wand into a grab for the towel instead. He yanked it across his lap in case Hermione barged in next. Or in case there was anything Harry hadn't already seen.

"I'm _fine_ , Harry," he said, then gentled his voice as Harry's face flamed. "I only knocked the shampoo off."

"Right. I'll just..."

Harry turned to retrieve the offending bottle, and Remus picked up his wand after all. "Thanks, but I can get it." _I'm not helpless._ " _Accio_ shampoo."

He felt a bit guilty when he realized Harry was blushing again.

"Er...right. Sorry. I just- When I heard, I thought..." Harry gestured helplessly, then blurted, "You have your wand when you're in the bath?"

"You don't?"

Harry winced. "Yeah. Right. I will. Er - don't tell Moody?"

Remus managed a laugh, and Harry, with a last apology, edged out of the room. Remus dropped the sodden towel out onto the floor, and - this time - muttered a locking charm at the door.

He settled back into the cooling water, but not even thoughts of soft breasts and gently rounded hips interested his cock in resuming the interrupted wank, and, after a minute, he hauled himself grumpily out of the tub and went back to bed.

This certainly hadn't been the first time he'd fantasized about someone while he wanked; he often created some nameless, faceless lover for himself. Occasionally, guiltily, he pictured himself with someone he knew - but his imaginary partners had _always_ , unquestionably, been female.

Fantasizing about Severus Snape... What was _wrong_ with him?

~*~

By the time his self-appointed watchdogs agreed he was well enough to attend an Order meeting two days later, Remus had convinced himself it had been an aberration. Brought on, no doubt, by the...unusual circumstances of his most recent climax. He'd been without a partner - a _real_ partner, that was - for so long that of course Severus's mocking suggestions had affected him more powerfully than they would have otherwise.

And admittedly, Severus _did_ have a beautiful voice. Rich, versatile... Surely it wasn't strange to find it...intriguing. And it had been Severus who had planted the idea of that voice murmuring _instructions_.

It was just the voice. It wasn't like he got hard _looking_ at Snape.

Remus stepped into the kitchen, and Severus glanced at him, a quick flick of dark eyes over Remus's body that ended in a sardonically raised brow at the heat Remus felt creeping up his cheeks.

Fuck. Fuck! This was not normal.

Remus stood frozen in the doorway, appalled, until he realized people were beginning to stare at him.

He arranged his robe very carefully when he set down, and he kept his eyes, and his thoughts, determinedly away from Severus for the rest of the meeting.

~*~

The next day, the children went back to Hogwarts, and Remus did what any sensible person with a problem would do.

He went to the library.

He had long since outgrown the comforting belief that the answer to any dilemma could be found in a book, if he only read enough. Nonetheless, he had found over the years that gathering enough information about a problem often reduced it to manageable proportions.

So he settled into the "human health and reproduction" aisle, and, after casting a discreet charm to ensure that no one paid too much attention to which books he was selecting from the shelves, began reading.

 _Coming Out: Telling Your Family, Friends & Neighbors. So You Think You're Gay... Painting the Town Pink._

Several hours later, he replaced the last of the remotely promising titles on its shelf, feeling a bit dazed but somewhat reassured. Apparently, it was quite common for men to realize relatively late in life that they were attracted to other men. It wasn't abnormal. Or at least, not any more abnormal than being attracted to men in the first place. Certainly it was less odd than being a werewolf. Nothing to be ashamed of or concerned about. He could ignore it, or he could...pursue it.

Only, he wasn't quite certain how to go about that, if he even wanted to. A few of the books had been quite helpful, but none of them had really offered anything in the way of _practical_ advice. Reassurance, but not instruction.

Oh, god. _Instruction_...

He realized, when he found himself halfway to the trendy little bookshop by the river, that he must have at least some interest in pursuing...something. He shied away from the thought of exactly _who_ he was thinking of pursuing, and wound his way to the back of the store.

He made his selection quickly, cheeks burning when the young assistant asked if he needed help finding anything. He wished he could use the same charm he'd employed in the library to keep anyone from noticing him here. How did anyone manage to find and read these books without dying of embarrassment, anyway?

He could only afford one volume, so he chose the one that seem to be the most comprehensive - or at any rate, that seemed to have the most illustrations - despite its annoyingly jocular tone.

Partway back to headquarters, he took a moment in an alley to make the garishly colored cover resemble the new treatise on defensive magics of the Orient that he had coveted in Flourish & Blotts but been unable to afford, and he immediately felt less conspicuous.

The precaution proved to have been unnecessary, however - no one else was in the house. He settled in on the sofa in the parlor, and, after another furtive look at the photographs in Chapter Five, turned back to the beginning. Unfortunately, Chapter One wasn't very interesting, and he was more tired than he'd realized from his walk through Muggle London...

 _He was in the bath again, but this time he wasn't alone. Water sloshed against his chest as someone settled into the tub, facing him - Severus. His dark hair was over his face, hiding his eyes, and Remus tried to push it away only to find that his hands were bound to the towel bar above his head._

 _"Severus..." he said uncertainly._

 _"Hush, Lupin," Severus ordered, shoving his hair back with an impatient gesture. "I'm going to show you how it's done."_

 _"How what's-"_

 _The rest of Remus's breath escaped in a surprised hiss as Severus ran soapy hands down his bound arms, over his chest, teasing his nipples into hardness. Remus's hips lifted automatically, and Severus smirked._

 _"That too."_

 _His long fingers closed around Remus's erection, and Remus moaned and thrust eagerly into his hold, not caring when Severus shifted them so that Remus's legs were on his shoulders, not caring even when something firm and slick pressed against his opening. Why had he been afraid of this? It felt glorious..._

 _"Like that, Lupin?"_

 _"Yes... Severus, yes..."_

 _"Lupin?"_

 _No - why was Severus stopping?_

"Lupin!"

Remus jerked abruptly awake. "Severus? What- Ow!" He must have walked more than he'd been ready for after spending so many days in bed; every muscle in his body seemed to have stiffened while he slept on the uncomfortable sofa.

"Sorry, Severus, what were you saying?" he asked, wincing as he tried to rub feeling back into his right arm, which had somehow ended up over his head.

Was Severus looking at him oddly?

"I asked why you were sleeping like that, Lupin," Severus said. With a slight sneer, he added, "Have all the beds in this moldering pile finally collapsed?"

Remus was too busy wondering if he'd spoken any part of his dream out loud to notice that the book had slipped off his lap until Severus stooped to pick it up.

"No!" Remus said urgently as Severus flipped it open. "It- I-"

Severus's eyebrows shot up, and one corner of his mouth curled upward as he surveyed Remus over the top of the book. He stepped backward, avoiding Remus's frantic grab for it, and smirked. "Well, well, Lupin. Who would have thought?" he drawled, then began to read.

"Is he or isn't he? So, blokes, now that you've been through Chapter One and know you're gay (thanks to our handy checklist on page 13), you're ready to move on. What do you do, you ask? You've seen a hot guy, and you're left with the question - is he, or isn't he? Gay, and interested? Here's how to tell - and how to make your move if he is."

Severus lowered the book, a look of intense distaste twisting his features. " _What_ is this drivel, Lupin?"

Remus stared at him, face flaming. He could hardly say he'd bought it for the pictures, true as that was...

He pushed himself to his feet and snatched the book out of Severus's hands. "Nothing. I was just... Er, that is, I..."

"Afraid you're gay, Lupin?" Severus said derisively.

" _No_ , I..." There was really no graceful way out, so Remus decided to simply retreat with whatever dignity he still possessed intact. "Never mind. Good evening, Severus," he said, moving toward the door.

Severus snorted. "You can stop worrying, Lupin. There's no cause for this...personal crisis. Wanking on the other side of a closed door from another man doesn't make you gay," he sneered. " _I_ am homosexual. _You_ are not - I've seen the way you look at Nymphadora Tonks when you think no one is watching."

"Thank you, Severus, but I'm not worried." Remus's face burned even hotter, but he managed to keep his voice even and untroubled as he said, "I know I'm not homosexual. I'd decided that I must be bisexual, actually."

Severus looked a bit disconcerted - clearly, that hadn't been the answer he'd expected - and Remus seized the opportunity to escape. With a polite nod, he stepped out into the corridor.

He was halfway up the stairs before he realized that Severus had answered one of his questions.

Severus was gay.

Well. He'd suspected that for some time, but it was surprising for Severus - Severus, who _never_ shared anything personal - to admit it so openly.

He was all the way to his room before he realized something else - Tonks. Severus had noticed him watching Tonks?

Remus smiled slowly. Perhaps Severus had answered both of his questions: is he, and is he interested?

He lit the lamp and skipped ahead to Chapter Five. After all, he might end up needing that hands-on advice sooner than he'd thought.


End file.
